tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204265151771490302.post6757658440306321890..comments2022-11-02T12:28:35.481-04:00Comments on Write Now!: My Lady - Wedding Dress Prompt - RichardRichardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01201205410257616456noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204265151771490302.post-15809094242962979652010-11-30T16:04:34.003-05:002010-11-30T16:04:34.003-05:00Thanks Kate!
Haha I definitely gave you the same ...Thanks Kate!<br /><br />Haha I definitely gave you the same note about awkward phrasing for your piece, and then wrote the exact same bit of awkward phrasing. Go editing! Covering each others bases, I dig it.<br /><br />You're very right about setting the stage, I definitely didn't do much of it and it shows. I was just in the mood to jump right into the dialogue, my plan is to put in another submission with lots of setting description. So, that'll be another exercise all its own! Good suggestion about working the description in with the action, definitely going to put that to use.Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01201205410257616456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204265151771490302.post-23355926423251066452010-11-30T14:31:37.778-05:002010-11-30T14:31:37.778-05:00Hi Richard!
Great exercise, I agree that writing ...Hi Richard!<br /><br />Great exercise, I agree that writing natural sounding period dialogue is a huge challenge! I think you did a great job and it comes across as very natural. I agree with Ken, the entendres were great and also very period accurate! I loved the part where his missing glove was in his pants pocket.<br /><br />The only phrase that seemed a bit awkward to me was "You will soon be so far in your cups, after only three swallows..." Maybe try switching it around? "After only three swallows of that tiny glass, you will be so far in your cups..."<br /><br />Another suggestion - and I know this was more of a dialogue exercise - would be to sneak in a few more descriptions of the characters or setting wherever you can. A perfect example would be "He ran a finger through his now-clean hair" - throw in a color, length, texture - just something to give us a better picture of what these two look like. Because there is a lot of flirtation in this piece, I think certain descriptions would really help to set the "mood" - are they in a sitting room? a bedroom? is it lit by candles or just the fire? etc. You mention the scent of her perfume and the flavor of the wine, both great sensory details, and I think a few more details would round out this scene very nicely!Kate Z.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09927912227809086592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204265151771490302.post-57547353205554839852010-11-24T08:51:51.861-05:002010-11-24T08:51:51.861-05:00Very nice. Their banter is very natural. I love th...Very nice. Their banter is very natural. I love the entandresKenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13071600077983046846noreply@blogger.com